Emotional Journey from Letting Go To Moving On

Everyone keeps saying let go and move on …past is past …look at good things you have in life ..count your blessings…

Well all that is ok, it's understandable and agreeable  also …but is it so easy to break away from memories….

No it is not …

That is why it is so annoying when people say you need to Move on …you think the person struggling does not know this…they are trying give them that benefit of doubt.

The toughest thing is to overcome that anger, the person has towards themselves.

Anger is just a the secondary emotion or cover up, primary emotions here that are effecting and being triggered are that of wide range from guilt to shame to fear to helplessness to feeling lonely.

These primary emotions which a person tries to hide are coming from the basic need for safety, respect, acceptance , love. When these are  effected or hampered one feels threatened. 

These triggers makes the whole process of letting go and move on so difficult.

 

Internally when these triggers interact with memories it creates a lot of pain and hurt.  All these feelings and emotions lead to unhealthy attachment and dependency.

Difficulty is in breaking away from such attachment and moving on is impossible because we fear freedom and letting go is tough tough because we are too  scared to let go of things we are so used to of.

Letting go is difficult because we have to give up the identity we have and rebuild our  self and our emotional boundries.

 Our own limiting beliefs hold us from moving on because we let them define who we are. 

What we try to do is we still try to control things around us or people around us in hope that things will be fine.

Many times you feel staying and holding on to is easier and you feel invested in the relationship.

 The whole thought process that “ A known devil is better than an unknown an Angel”.

We romanticize the whole relationship and situation to look at the good  in it and then we forget the bad in it easily.

Once this happens we ourselves feel letting go is not an option.

 The whole thought process that “ It is easier to break things but it takes effort to build”.

Being alone is a scary and has lot of  unfamiliar aspect for many and to avoid this we choose not to move on and let go to settle for something that is known and familiar.

So next time you feel you are not able to make a decision consider this and give yourself a chance.

It's a difficult process but not impossible….

 

Handling emotional outburst

Our emotions and feelings play an important role in the way we behave and how our personality is shaped.

We are emotional beings everything that happens around us effects us directly or indirectly. Our circumstances and situations decide how we will behave and most of the time this is based on how we feel emotionally.

That is why we are all so vulnerable and are like volcano waiting to explode but before we explode emotionally we need to focus on self regulation. 

All that happens around us does not require our attention and reaction. Feelings and thoughts are like waves we can't stop them but we can learn to navigate them.

This navigation of emotions and feelings is part of our self care and mindfulness. That is why emotional regulation is important to our wellbeing as it stops us from exploding and becoming a emotional mess.

Let's look at few things you can do to prevent yourself from reacting emotionally.

Whenever you feel you are about to be reactive just take a break, stop and do deep breathing for 60 seconds this reconnects  your mind and body.

Always declutter your mind by going out for walk and reflect upon things in objective manner 

Take a step back have a glass of water and calm your self.this helps you relax and let the emotion pass.

At times it is better to walk away from the situation and give yourself time to process the experience. Walking away can help you give perspective and at the same time regulates your reaction and clear your mind.

It may sound cliche but counting till 10 will help you calm and prevent you from being emotionally reactive. This also helps in regulating associated feelings of anger, hate and frustration. 

To change current  the thought process is an effective way to relax yourself and beat way to do this is to think happy thoughts and give yourself positive affirmations…the best one that works is 'ALL IS WELL'.

Be aware of your senses, to stop reacting emotionally focus on positive sensation…think of 2 things you can smell, see, hear and feel…this will not only redirect your emotions but will also help you refocus on yourself.

Writing down your thoughts and what effects you most about the situation is another very useful and reflective way of inculcating self regulation.

Gaining control over emotions will help you become mentally stronger. Managing emotions requires practice and dedication and you will observe over a period of time you will be better at emotional regulation and deal with any challenging situation.

So next time when ever you feel you will explode stop take a step back and re-think…. 

Mentoring Young Minds

 During early childhood years specially pre-primary and primary classes teacher play an important role in shaping the identity and personality of the student. During this phase teacher acts as mentors who shapes not only their self image but also creates platform for them to choose their aspirations, dreams and goals for future.

At this time teacher is the  most important factor as they play important part in shaping child's social and intellectual foundation which becomes the base for his adult life.

The question now arises:

In these changing times how can teacher mold these young minds and mentor them?

Most important factor is to create balance between learning and education. even though both are interrelated topics  at the same time are two independent aspects of teaching. right balance between these two aspects will lead to innovation and experimentation in teaching which in turn will  lead to mentoring young minds towards a much better learning graph.

only when we can create this balance can we also make  teaching fun, as the child becomes the part of the learning  process, they  no longer act as  beneficiary of the system.

Let us know few strategies and techniques that can be implemented at classroom level to help mentoring young minds and also make learning fun.

Conferencing is an interactive method which a teacher can use while helping child learn the process of delegation and teamwork. for each assignment small groups can be made and each member can contribute to the learning based on their  interests, likes and strengths. Activities and homework can be tailored as per the need of the group; Apart from regular conference every day mini conference can be planned at the beginning of the class to help clarify doubts, monitor progress and keep everyone on the same page in the group.

Play method which is so often used in academic teaching should be initiated to inculcate social behavior, values and skills to mentor social and emotional  development in the children.

To help children learn the importance of cooperation, respect and camaraderie peer learning or cooperative learning plays an important role this also helps student learn and focus on thigs they can control and change. It helps builds social character in them along with emotional stability.

At this stage teacher is more of an ideal and is considered as model for imitation children try to act and behave like the teacher, therefore it is important that teacher speak their language are well versed with the technology and are conversant in the current lingo , jargons and slangs that young are so well versed with even at this stage. This helps in building a bond and trust which fosters not only a learning environment but also encourages better creativity, problem solving, communication and awareness.

mentoring will be successful only when children are made responsible  and are encouraged to take ownership of their education and learning. this makes them active participants in the process and this can be initiated by  helping them set class goals, individual goals, have them plan daily activity organizer and charts which have specific goals and ways to achieve them.

When we talk about mentoring young minds at such early age we need to focus on multidirectional learning where different subjects can be inter linked along with real life based project work which creates curiosity and motivates children and initiates collective efforts.

Setting firm and real expectations for children helps them become realistic and effective in planning their schedule, this also helps them to learn to regularly evaluate and make reasonable changes to their planning.

Open and honest communication is the key to mentoring because it helps children acknowledge their feelings and emotions and know how to communicate them effectively in an proactive manner rather than in an reactive manner. At the end of class leave ten minutes aside for to talk to children and to give them opportunity to share. have a special meet the mentor session where children can interact with you and discuss anything they want to.

Give them choice and let them choose, help them understand that every choice they make they have to  learn to take it to logical conclusion and also help them understand that to  make choices is not wrong what is important is that we work honestly and be prepared for what consequence our choice leads to. this understanding will help them master the art of not giving up and work towards their goals with sincerity. 

In the end we can say that by giving children choices, making them responsible and  part of the learning process teachers can make a remarkable progress in the classroom setting. This leads to their learning being permanent and education being integral part of their personality.

Teacher moves from being an educator to mentor helping children become empowered and well adjusted individuals in life.

Till next time we meet ....

take care and stay safe

Limiting Belief

 We are what we think and our identity is shaped by our belief system. we make our choices and decisions in life based on these believes. we form them  by observing people around us by understanding what is expected out of us.

To these ideas we add our own assumptions based on meaning we attach to our experiences in life. This leads to us making conclusions in life based on how things have  worked for us in past. This leads to adopting our belief which then becomes our world view. This is the world view act upon in our life.

These interpretation of the world around us is based on our interaction with the world.

Question is:

How do these belief limit us or creates barrier for our own growth?

most of the time we do things to fit in, to confirm, to belong or to relate to people around us rather than focusing on being ourselves.

This creates conflict between what we want to be and how we perceive things. these limiting believes become main cause for cognitive distortion and limits us to achieve our full potential...

Limiting believes are reinforced ideas which are unhelpful.

There are three main categories of limiting belief:

first is core identity we form of our selves (Who am I!)...

In this limiting idea we create set of ideas and belief about ourselves. We box ourselves based on what others think of us in certain categories and roles. These roles create our limitations.

Second is core abilities (What I can do!)

In this limiting idea we restrict ourselves in our abilities. we hold on to certain norms and restrict our abilities. this leads to making us unacceptable to change and we hold back ourselves without realizing our full potential.

Third and final limiting  is Our ability to learn and solve problem (How can I do!)

in this limiting idea we restrict our capacity to learn and solve problem. Here fear plays an important role. It restricts us from trying and boxes us in social conformity. we limit ourselves by reinforcing the idea "I Can't ".

These limiting believes can be changed by changing our perspective. it is a process which can take time and be challenging.

This change happens when we change ourselves from being reactive to proactive. Once we are proactive we take responsibility for change and become open, receptive and appreciative towards changing belief.

till next time when we will discuss more of these limiting believes and how to overcome them...

take care and stay safe..

Seven Mistakes in Goal Setting

 Our goals are our guiding principles they help us achieve what we aim for in life. Our goals determine how we outline the vision of our life, Based on our vision we create our long term goals ,medium term goals and our short term goals. These goals motivates us to work harder and makes us responsible for ourselves. these goals form hierarchy and fulfillment of one leads to fulfillment of another....

So where do we go wrong in our goal planning???

When we set unhealthy expectation in setting goals we create complication. At times we know what we don't want rather than what we want ,this creates  confusion and loose the plot...

There are seven mistakes we generally make unknowingly in goal setting that causes problem and stops us from achieving our goal. understanding these mistakes helps us be responsible and accountable for our actions.

Not writing down your goals 

it is very important that we write down our goals. only when we write them down do we actually acknowledge them and work towards them. when we write our goals down we frame them in a positive manner and check how they can change our current situation and help us refocus on things that are important. Always write down your goals.

Having unclear motives

Sometimes we are very vague in our goals because we are not clear what our motives are. why are we setting these goals and what do we want to achieve. have a clear motive based on your expectations and priorities in life.

Setting unrealistic goals

Another major mistake which we do is set unrealistic goals only focusing on one aspect of what we plan to achieve and forget the long term requirement of it. we over compensate on one aspect and ignore others which leads to unclear motives and as a result we feel devastated and give up when we cant achieve it.

Not having a plan

when we base our goals on our feeling than on action we loose focus. this is the mistake which derails our efforts as we look at our goals from emotional perspective than practical one. To be able to achieve our goals we need to move from feelings to action only then can we have a tangible and realistic plan to work on.

Not taking Action

One of the major sins in goal setting is procrastination or delay that we make in taking action towards our goals. It is very important to take action without delay  because that determines our own commitment to change and growth. when we don't take action we loose focus and do not move ahead, this leads to giving up on ourselves and on our life's vision.

Losing Focus

Next mistake that we make is we loose focus after a while this happens when our motives are not clear and our goals are not in tune with our core values. when our priorities are not clear and we don't have a plan we loose focus and our goals remain unfinished. we need to regularly work and have ourselves responsible and accountable for our goals.

Lack of or No follow up

At times we do not follow up or follow through our plan due to which we are never able to work on our goals. Lack of or no follow up creates a gap which is difficult to fill and we get lost and give up on our own goals just moving through life aimlessly. 

Be careful of these mistakes these are the reasons why we fail. Understanding these mistakes helps us create balance and work proactively towards our goals.

Next time you plan your goals keep these in mind...

Till next time take care ...

RESPECT YOUR CHILD

Most of the parents complain that the child does not listen and does what is not to be done.

 Why this disobedience? Is what parents want to know?

Answer is right in front of you; all you need to do is look at it.

Most of us adopt parenting style our parents used, what our friends share and today as more aware parents what we read. But the truth is to make your child understand and listen to what you have say is to listen to him and understand the child’s view.

Child’s view? Now what’s that?

His world, perspective, his thoughts and his sphere of thinking …..In short his World

Yes, once you enter his world you will know what he wants and how to talk to him to make him know your world.

Most of us are aware about these things….all we need to do is improvise

So let’s start talking to our children so that they listen…. Always remember the trick is to keep things as simple as you can and be brief there is no need to ramble and talk too much to confuse self and the child. As far as possible use single sentences and easy words so that children can remember and follow what you are trying to say.

It’s very important to observe how kids communicate between themselves and you will automatically see the loopholes and where you are missing things. It’s important to connect with the child so that they understand what you want to say. Best way to connect is make eye contact with the child, address the child directly and create an open path by the way of your body language.

How do we create open communication?  What is open communication? Parents are often very perplexed about this.

Well open communication means giving your child authority to speak their mind and not be held for what they say. That does not mean they can say anything….this implies giving them opportunity to learn responsible communication.

To make this effective you need to create emotional equilibrium so that you and your child is on the same space. Let the child know it’s ok to be upset and disturbed but what is important is how you say it. You need to be a patient listener let your child complete his thoughts because if you become adult at this point you are creating that barrier and then you need to deal with the tantrum because child will ultimately say what he wants to, you need to decide how….

Little bit of listening, little bit of care and lots of understanding will help you understand your child better and communicate with them…..well there is no written rules of parenting it’s ok to be wrong and accept it…. that teaches the child to be real because ultimately he needs to learn to be real in this world.

 So start listening and happy parenting…..

Till next time cheers :)

Tranquil Life : Things that Matter...

Have you ever wondered in spite of having everything a good job, a big house, latest car...still you feel like something is missing ,you feel lonely and nothing matters ...you question every thing around you even your existence ...value of your life...

I have ... 

that is when I realized in spite of having all material things all i wanted was a tranquil and peaceful life...

life will not go on forever there will come a day when nothing will matter there will no longer be the sunshine's in life. that is why we need to focus on things that matter....

This will happen when we re shift the focus in our life from momentary things to more stable things...things that bring contentment in life leading to a peaceful and tranquil existence..

too often we either feel bitter about past or get stuck worrying about the future and forget what matters is only this moment : NOW

To have a peaceful life we need to understand on what do we lay foundation of our life.

we generally create our self worth and self concept on : how talented we are, how good looking are we, how articulate or knowledgeable  are we  therefore what matters to us is a good job, our success, our popularity, appearance, body type ,our sexuality, our gender, our possessions, what others think of us,

This understanding of self is very superficial and that is why when these things get effected we feel less confident, worthless and our self esteem is shattered as a result what do we overcompensate on one aspect of our life...but when that also is over or fades away....

The question returns....

WHAT MATTERS THE MOST?

We will know the purpose of life once we realize what maters is our belief, values, attitude, how we treat people around us , efforts we put in our relationships, habits we form and how honest we are.

For tranquil life we need to place our confidence on our true self and understand that we need to be more grounded on how we see our self and shift our focus on these things which matter as they make us more authentic and genuine towards our self and others.

Mahatma Gandhi has said:

"Your belief become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your action, your action become your habit, your habit becomes your value ,your value becomes your destiny."

Things that matter the most are things we do not see the love we share, our purpose in life, inner peace, our relationships, our comfort with others....

Till next time take care and be safe...